Words From The Motherfucking Pod

Greetings people with clearly too much time on your hands! I am writing to you today from what I call a 'pod'. This is very exciting because pods are hard to come by and very sought after here in the British Library. It's a kind of chair that has a table built into it and a little desk attached to it. How neat is that? Not very I know, but to me it's exciting so please pretend to care. I'm not actually the only person who thinks these are ace either clearly - people fight tooth and nail for these things. When I arrived at Euston station with Hannah I came right to the library and it wasn't open yet and there was a queue. Why do people arrive at the library early and queue you might ask? Well to get one of these pods of course! Which remain completely occupied for the entire rest of the day. So I actually joined the queue. That's right, this morning I queued to get into the library before it was open. How cool am I?

Actually I then left the pod and met Hannah for lunch in Euston station, and then managed to return and get a pod again. How did I do this? By hovering by someone I noticed was leaving and pretending not to notice the people sitting patiently in line opposite waiting for one to become free (probably for the last five hours). Yes, sometimes I am a complete dickhead. But I don't care because I have a pod motherfucker!

What else have I been doing this week other than getting a pod motherfucker? Well actually I have been doing a lot this week! I have seen people and done things that don't consist of sitting around my flat all day! On Tuesday my sister came to visit and we then did my fantastic tour of London on Wednesday and Thursday. For me a 'fantastic tour of London' means going to Forbidden Planet (the huge comic shop), then Harrods (to go to the toy floor) and then the Science Museum. Like I said, I'm cool. Stinky (which is what I hilariously call my sister (it's clear she also finds it hilarious)) seemed to enjoy the tour but felt I was a little eager to make her run around London to see these sites when she had come for a 'relaxing break'. 'I just want to relax, not be forced to run around London' she joked - hilarious!

Both days were good fun anyway (for me) and at the science museum I got to see what I would look like as an old man and as a baby (albeit a baby with a beard). Sadly we spent the whole time in the South Wing and missed all the other exhibitions because we thought that was the whole museum. Hence our stating every two minutes 'this is much smaller than I thought!'.

Stinky and I then went for dinner with Hannah and our cousins Steph and Nat. When we went to meet Steph we also saw the Duke of York (I think) and Princess Anne because Steph works at a very impressive government building that technically belongs to them. Nice. Makes sitting on my ass all day seem a little unimpressive however... The next day Uncle Z came around in the evening and gave us a clothes heater. Jolly nice.

During Stinky's visit I of course had a little work to do, and as I felt it was my duty to entertain Stinky until 2am playing Portal 2, that meant that I had to work after she and Hannah were asleep. Then I would be woken when Hannah got up at 6... so I was a wee bit tired which resulting in me talking complete nonsense in half-dream world to Hannah while she was getting ready. I told her about a book I was going to make that was also a computer game and I was convinced that that was a brilliant idea and I wasn't talking complete shit until about 3pm when it hit home. I was a little depressed.

Anyway, then Stink left and it was a little sad to see her go but very nice that she came to visit. Also she brought me a robot to wear on my chain and

Thought that was all I did? Boy that's an exciting and cool week you must be thinking - he can't possibly have fitted in any more socializing! Well no actually, because on Friday Hannah and I went out for drinks with her sister Sophie and on Saturday we went to visit my Guilford friends and we went to Jamie Oliver's restaurant. I think Jamie Oliver is a complete PRICK but his food is quite nice. It also felt very grown up visiting Becka and Andre as a couple (they moved into a new house the same day we did - what were the chances of that? (Actually quite high when you consider that we left Uni at the same time and most contracts are in multiples of six months (but aha! I didn't move in straight after Uni! So it is weird!)).

After all that excitement I spent yesterday and Sunday doing nothing much - ah back to normality! I waited in Monday for Satpal, the very strange (but nice) Indian electrician. He rings up and every time says 'hello, it's Satpal - the Indian man who did your electricity'. Just 'Satpal' would do just find as I really only know one Satpal... Or even just 'your electrician' would do as I'm not secretly rendezvousing with any other electricians behind his back. Although I SHOULD BE because he has taken three weeks now to fix my heating.

So still loving the flat but I do wish we had heating because the windows are dripping with condensation and it makes me cry a little bit when I'm on my own. That's the only thing except for the hot water that only works intermittently. It's not a problem, just that a freezing cold shower in the morning when the building already has no heating makes me vomit blood and want to kill myself. That and the internet. And the man downstairs who has blood on his teeth... he seemed very nice but he had BLOOD ON HIS TEETH. He came up to tell me that our toilet cistern keeps them awake at night (because it makes a noise, not because they're imagining the terrible things that have gone on there) and was very polite but his bleeding teeth scared me a little and made me think maybe he was a vagrant who was going to hit me and then rape me (I am very rape-able). You'd think his wife (who was with him) would have said 'you have blood on your teeth, perhaps you should wipe that off before we go and speak to the new neighbours because it's TERRIFYING AND NUTS'. Other than that no complaints though...

Nah genuinely it is great living there still and Hannah is still being very pleasant to live with. If it's a ruse and she's secretly a monster then she hasn't let on yet, and she even took it well when I put the ornamental poo she hates on her sandwich in the fridge (I did it when Stinky was there so there'd be witnesses). She's genuinely not fond of the huge cross bow behind the sofa but I'm pretty sure she'll change her tune when I manage to kill a DEER and bring it home for dinner. Next week I'm going to a party for one of her work colleagues and then all her friends are coming to visit, how exciting! Ooh and tomorrow I join the new gym that's opening in Ealing! Then finally the world will make sense again. I've settled in here very nicely and it does feel like home (which has a lot to do with the aforementioned Hannah), and I'm not as weirded out by the move as I thought I would be. It's either because I have moved about 6 times in the last 6 years, or it's because I am essentially brain dead and haven't noticed (it's the latter). I do miss my dog though (especially because he's now on anti-psychotics...).

Anyway I shall now continue to search for jobs for Hannah in the library, that's me being a good boyfriend! I need to get on and make the most of this pod because the library closes soon. Also I am starting to feel awkward because I keep picking my nose and the girl next to me keeps noticing. And no I can't stop picking my nose - there's a scab in it and it hurts.