As I write this I am thirsty, hungry and I need a shit. Unfortunately however I am also glued to my sofa and refuse to move. I have managed to continue this vigil of not moving now for four hours. Some kind of record? It's tempting to stay here all day to see how long I can go.
I am glued to the sofa for several reasons. The first is that I have moved into a new flat with my lovely girlfriend Hannah and the heating doesn't work. My feet are
freezing despite being underneath a cushion, so I'm hardly going to force them to venture out into the outside world(the outside world is much colder than the cushion world), Then there's my back which I injured (twice) lifting boxes. About a month ago now after I had helped Goof to move out boxes I bent over to pick up a sock and then trapped my sciatica nerve just as I was meant to be meeting Pete in the car to head to Cornwall. I then collapsed spasmodically onto the floor and rolled around there for 20 minutes unable to stand up. I eventually managed to walk like a constipated duck to the car and ever since I have been a physical mess. I refused to go to see a chiropractor (Witch doctors!) and instead had my sister hang from my legs while I hung from a pull up bar in order to 'stretch' my spine out again. That turned out to be a mistake. Who'd have thought...
And then there's the complete lack of motivation to move (other tha
n the aforementioned bodily functions). Thing is I now get up with Hannah at 6am every morning and she then goes to work until 6pm. I used to go to bed at 6am and so I find myself with a lot of spare time. 11 hours is how long Hannah is gone for in total and I am meanwhile finished work at 12pm (I work as a freelance writer now writing all kinds of shit for various websites) and then have the whole day to do nothing, or in today's case, to resurrect Adam Sinicki.com and the blog. Today I also ate yogurt with a fork for a challenge but that turned out not to be very fun so I stopped. But I learned an important lesson in the process. This amount of alone time I'm thinking can't be very good for me. Firstly because I don't talk to anyone for 12 hours and that has lead me to try and make conversation on the phone to strangers like Alan Partridge. I had some piano music on when my bank phoned to ask if I was going to fill out some forms for my credit card (which I didn't want!) so I told her that I was playing the music she could hear whilst I was talking to her. She didn't seem to know whether she was meant to laugh...
So as yet my days don't consist of anything much and I'm going crazy. Ah, like old times! For the first three hours when I actually do some work (in my pants) I write weird stuff on subjects no one will ever read and this doesn't really help one's mental state of well being. Did you know the average Briton drinks 2.1kg of tea? Did you know that you should weight a Wakeboard boat so that the ballast is 40% at the front and 60% at the back in order to create the ideal wake? Did you know that pharmacokinetics is the study of how the body affects drugs as they pass through your system? Did you know that car windshields are made of two identical sheets of glass pressed together with an inner layer of laminate plastic? No? Do you give a shit? Thought not. One day though all this information will come in handy when I ne
ed to drive a wakeboarding boat through a car window in order to do forensic tests on a drug-overdose corpse...
I'm making it sounds worse than it is. I'm actually a bum so I love not doing anything and it's not like I don't have stuff going on. Tomorrow I am going treasure hunting (geocaching I believe is the term) with my cousin. And on Saturday I might journey to the comic shop. Also I have to get the heating fixed so that will be fun... I also actually love living with Hannah and our flat is pretty cool. I've tried to be good and not fill it with too many visible toys, however I have had my way with the giant screaming owl which she hates and an ornamental poo on the toilet cistern (which points guns at your cock when you wee standing up). Ealing is also very cool, although for all the reasons I've described I've yet to actually get up and look in London which currently is defeating the object of moving here in the first place somewhat...
My swansong in Bournemouth actually took place in Tunisia (go figure) which was an awesome event where I got, one last time, to sleep next to Rich. To be lullabied to sleep by the gentle repetitive noise of his snoring in one ear, and the wheezier snoring from Tiller in the other; and to wake up to his smiling shark-like face (and him shouting nonsense). We were actually in Tunisia during the death of Gaddafi in Libya and thus we got to see lots of people celebrating by standing on cars and waving Libyan flags. We were also there in the week building up to the election on Sunday so that was all very exciting (look at how I have deftly woven current affairs into my blog for scholars in years to come!). And I managed to steel a piece of marble from a presidential mausoleum so that was cool. Plus climb a small Colosseum. And Tiller began to write an album called 'Liberation'. Now I am actually just listing things that happened... Might need a while to get back into my blog writing groove...
Us as African Bastards. Tiller says that's not racist.
I saw a snail that looked like Michael Jackson. Is that interesting?
I also got some new nicknames in Tunisia which are all very flattering. I was already 'Captain Gay', but now I am also 'Captain Piss Pants' (because I spilled some water on my leg that looked an awful lot like a piss stain while I was on the plane - not at all embarrassing), 'Captain Inverted Cock' (because my dick goes up inside me when it's cold - which I thought was normal...), 'Captain Cum Face' (the natural progression from Captain Piss Pants), and 'Captain Beef Cannon' (no idea). I am like a very shit superhero team. I hope soon to be promoted to a Commander of something. Commander Heterosexual? That could work... I'd even take Commander Beef... I guess they're all better than 'Schnout' as I am also known (alluding to my apparently large nose (okay it is quite large)).
Anyway simply too much stuff has happened since my last blog post for me to catch you up (SO much stuff!). Suffice to say I got a girlfriend at uni, graduated, became self employed/a bum, moved in with the Goofy tit Goof after uni, then moved to London with said girlfriend (who is called Hannah by the way).
I will be writing and ranting here again from now on in much the same fashion as I did before. Because I spend so much time on my own and once again don't know anyone this means I can tell you tales of my life without offending anyone/exposing gossip. Not every entry is going to be this long though. So until next time, welcome back blog!
Now go and check out the new http://www.adamsinicki.com too! It's the same as the old one!
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