It's 8.30 Monday night and I'm dying. I have the worst back ache that anyone has ever had and a cold that feels like my head is a balloon that's been inflated with snot. Furthermore, due to a combination of these ailments and lots of partying, I have sleapt about 10 hours in the last four days.
I actually did the bad back over a week ago but didn't mention it here. I trapped a nerve when I was moving a cupboard but decided not to rest up. Instead I powered through like a true hero and completely ruined it.
Thursday after I'd finished writing my last post I headed off to the gym (a great start) with the G man and Rich where I did mostly isolation curls so that I didn't involve my spine at all (doing those for almost a whole session was actually an awesome workout for the arms). From here we went back to Goof's to cook up some nice tomato-y pasta and have a couple of drinks before parting ways with Rich and heading into to town for Adam's Birthday Bonanza Take 1.
I don't know what the definition of 'bonanza' is, but I'm pretty sure that it's a lose fitting description of what actually happened. For the first hour Goof and I sat in the Moon on the Square discussing how we'd thwart our captors if we were in Hostel and then later I sat and sipped some Newcastle Brown while Goof read out extracts from a book we found on a shelf behind our table.
When Si found us however we moved on to Walkabout where we met an old friend of Goof's and her cronies (that's right, the total attendance for my first 21st birthday party consisted of 3 people including myself). We met this lot in the upstairs section which somehow I've not seen before despite having been there fairly regularly for about five years.
Chatting up there was fairly fun, although I did slightly offend one girl there I think when I tried to include her in the comversation by asking her what cotton wool was made from. She didn't know what cotton wool was so I began ripping into her before she appologised saying 'I'm sorry, English is not my first language'. I'm an insensitive twat.
Later we moved as one large group to Toko where I pulled Goof's friend and he pulled the foreign one. That made the night more fun and we danced there until we parted ways (I got her number first though). The foreign girl came with us for a lift home from Si however which was probably a big mistake on her part as Si and I decided to run on ahead and hide from Goof telling him we'd driven off and run out of petrol. Apparently he was walking around the gardens with the girl in the pouring rain shouting 'I hate my friends' which the Swiss girl didn't really understand as hyperbole. I felt sorry for her but it made it even funnier as it nicely upped the awkwardness for G. She was an unfortunate casualty of war. Anyway it was Si's idea.
The next day I felt completely exhausted. I hadn't up until that point felt any different as a 21 year old but right then it hit me that I was now officially old. And I had no time to rest as that night was Adam's Birthday Bonanza Part 2, a joint venture with Rob, this time with the Ferndown crowd.
The night went well and we moved on to Wimborne early around 9pm where we visited The Pie, and The Rising Sun. At the latter I over-heard a girl at the bar saying I was cute so I decided to go over and introduce myself. She was quite hot and so was her friend - who weirdly turned out to be her Mum. Strangely the Mum then started trying to promote her daughter going 'isn't she pretty' and holding her face so I could get a closer look. I was mildly disturbed and even more so when after two minutes I was invited out the next night to go to their 'Moulin Rouge party' in Bournemouth.
Despite the creapiness I was eagerly tried to get everyone to go to the Cricketers where they'd told me to meet them, but by the time everyone had drunk up it was closed to entry. Annoyingly I also hadn't been given their number.
It turned out I wasn't the only one who was dissapointed and so we decided to go round the back and try to climb in (we were all a little bit tipsy at this point). Climbing on the roof however only got us up to a random person's kitchen so we gave up.
Now in a climbing mood however Matt and I also decided to climb up the side of a random building with me shouting 'we're just like Batman!'. I also pointed out that it was just like that advert where the superhero jumps on the scaffolding after the balloon doing all the cool flips. Then I remembered that he died at the end of that advert...It's evidence of how shit those adverts are that I came away from it with the message 'climbing while drunk makes you cool like a superhero'. It's a bit like that advert where he runs over the kid and then she drags herself back into the road and clicks all her bones back into place. That video says to me 'Zombies can never die!'
I also decided to climb up a lampost and stand on the top of a high up metal fence while drunk. That actually makes me feel a bit sick looking back as it's definitely one of the stupider things I've done recently.
It was also dumb as I'd forgotten I had a busted spine that was just about getting better and I've been regretting it ever since.
Drunkenly we discussed going dinggying on the river in Wimborne before deciding that Poole was a more sensible place to continue the night. Here we went to Dundees and The Top Floor (or something like that (it has the stickiest floor in all the world)) but while travelling from one to the other we got approached by some random kids going 'It's them home slice! The ones who dissed us schnizzle!' (or something like that (that's my attempt at gangster talk)). Obviously we hadn't seen them before and they were just trying to make themselves look hard.
Unfortunately for them a) there were fewer of them, b) they were shorter than us and c) you don't mess with drunk Matt. Matt then basically chased them back down the road, until they ran away and awesomely shouted at him: 'If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the arena!'
Firstly, never try to quote (or misquote) Gordon Ramsey in a fight. Secondly, Arenas aren't particularly known for their heat. They also said they were going to come back with 40 more which sparked the William Wallace side of Chris' personality. While we were enjoying pints in the Top Roof Place we had him shouting at us 'They have the place surrounded! Now are you going to sit here and sip your drinks or are you going to go out there in a blaze of glory??'. Simon, Matt and I felt that if they did have the place surrounded it was pretty much their responsibility to either wait or come in, and on checking out the window we were greeted by a completely empty road.
When I finally got back I was so drunk and tired that I lay outside my house stroking a random cat for half an hour and nearly fell asleep. The next day I felt even worse and now also had a completely crippled spine. And I was meant to be meeting Goof's friend for some sort of date. I called off out of not-remembering-the-night-properly and extreme lethargy, but ended up having my arm twisted into watching The Dark Knight with Simon and my sister and her friend who 'had to come but doesn't finish work until 10'. The film ended at nearly 3 am. By the time I went to bed I didn't even know what my name was.
That said it was completely worth it - the film was completely awesome. It was dark, action packed and philosophical in equal measures and anyway it was Batman. Heath Ledger as everyone has said stole the show with an oscar-worthy performance. Now I'm not sure how they're going to continue though as he blatantly would have returned for the third one but no actor is going to want to try to fill his shoes. The only man who could do it I reckon is Johnny Depp. Think about it.
The film unfortunately lead me to work out at 4am because that's what Batman would have done (Batman has been getting me into a lot of trouble this week I've just noticed). Unfortunately this was the final straw for my back and also my tiredness. I woke the next morning a cripple with the worst case of man-flu ever recorded (I'm starting to think I might have human bird flu (well it's unlikely that I'd get bird bird flu...)).
Still the next day though no rest - instead I had my cousin, aunt and uncle visit for my birthday which was lovely even if I wasn't my most entertaining. By the time they'd left however I honestly considered writing my will (I wrote a rough draft where I left my sister all of my DVD cases but none of the disks).
Today I've just been lying around the house making whimpering noises. Although one interesting thing happened - my Mum's vigil to get me a girlfriend like a normal child (I mean man now!) has lead her to try to set me up with her colleague at work who apparently is very pretty. She gave her my name and I think she was a bit confused when she said she was going to 'poke' me. Then my Mum pointed out I might have met her as she was in Wimborne Friday, and that she was interesting for example she also went to Bournemouth the day after dressed as a character from Moulin Rouge.
So I either met her or her friend, it's a small world. So with her about to get in contact on Facebook and with the success of Wednesday something good has got to come of the week right? Well no actually, as Si pointed out it'll be about a day before I mess it all up and start again from scratch. And I'm not getting any younger...
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